Turning a new leaf over

Only minutes to go and it will be 2013.  This year has been a memorable one and I can summarize it into three important personal events: 1) turning 30, 2) getting my PhD and 3) getting my heart broken.

You may have noticed (or not) my inconsistent entries towards the second half of the year. You see, it’s quite difficult to write about what’s in your heart and mind when it is in pain.  It took a while for me to come to terms with it – the heartbreak, that is.  I decided to be honest with myself and acknowledge that I did love, I got hurt and it hurt really bad.  I saw this quote in one of my friend’s facebook page – the first line explains my heartbreak, the second is my wish for myself.

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There’s always a first time for everything and this is my first heart break.  I didn’t know that I would be affected so much by this… Outwardly, I carry a happy disposition, but internally, I am struggling not to dwell so much on what happened and to focus on the better things that  are happening.  But this struggle led to my deluding of the self that I am okay after what happened.  It only prolonged the inevitable – that I would eventually crumble my happy facade.  I couldn’t live a life like this, it was affecting my overall disposition – mentally, physically, spiritually.  It was important to acknowledge that I am not okay, that I was hurt.  This was an important first step to steer myself back to the path of happiness.

Now, that is past and we are turning over a new leaf, a new beginning.  And how apt and timely that I saw another friend’s New Year facebook status (thanks Mirang!).  I am so inspired but what she wrote and I quote her:

“The New Year, a fresh start, promises a hopeful beginning. And hope, they say, springs eternal.

But it doesn’t. Not really. It is inevitable to be disappointed when plans fall through, when people hurt us, or when we fail ourselves. In those instances, we find that our seemingly endless well of optimism dries up fairly quickly. And hope, hope withers away when there is nothing tangible to cling to.

So for the first time, I decide to begin my year not with hope but with faith.

Faith does not need reason to exist. It is illogical, often times improbable, even downright impossible. But when you have unshakable faith – whether it’s directed to a supreme being, a universal force, or to the intrinsic scientific order of the natural world – you surrender yourself to the possibilities that you cannot even begin to imagine for yourself.

This year, I will have faith that everything will work out as they are meant to work out. Faith that somehow everything will fall into place. Faith that I may not have complete control over every aspect of my life, but it will be okay.”

And there you have it.  I will face the new year with Faith.  It doesn’t need explanation nor reason.  You just have to have it.

Bring it on, 2013!!