T minus 5 days

I realized I haven’t been even paying attention to the countdown myself.  It used to be that I am excited about my upcoming big 3-0.  But now, all that is taken over by more pressing matters.  Like this dissertation for instance.  It’s all that is in my mind right now – am I writing it up correctly?  Will my examination committee rip it apart?  Why do I feel that my “story” doesn’t seem strong enough?  Add to that the pressure of finding a job ASAP.  I get distracted now and then with thoughts of the next chapter – precisely because I don’t know how or where it is going to be.  It’s daunting to be moving forward, not knowing where exactly I will be in May.  The job hunting is going slow, and it’s killing me.  Well, maybe it just seems slow.  I’ve started applying out of state now, who am I to be picky?  My personal preferences – I’m throwing them out of the window.  And as much as I love Massachusetts, I have to be open to other opportunities because I don’t have the luxury of time and money.

My birthday is this weekend and I am hosting a party, but somehow, my heart is really not into it.  I want to press pause, take a breather, maybe postpone the celebration.  But I am only going to turn 30 once, and I don’t want to miss the opportunity to celebrate the life adventure I’ve had.  This is a tough time in my life for sure, but as the cliche goes, the show must go on.  Life has to go on.  I will be celebrating my birthday and I will be putting my party-face on.  Maybe this is the breather that I need.

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