I realized I haven’t been even paying attention to the countdown myself. It used to be that I am excited about my upcoming big 3-0. But now, all that is taken over by more pressing matters. Like this dissertation for instance. It’s all that is in my mind right now – am I writing it up correctly? Will my examination committee rip it apart? Why do I feel that my “story” doesn’t seem strong enough? Add to that the pressure of finding a job ASAP. I get distracted now and then with thoughts of the next chapter – precisely because I don’t know how or where it is going to be. It’s daunting to be moving forward, not knowing where exactly I will be in May. The job hunting is going slow, and it’s killing me. Well, maybe it just seems slow. I’ve started applying out of state now, who am I to be picky? My personal preferences – I’m throwing them out of the window. And as much as I love Massachusetts, I have to be open to other opportunities because I don’t have the luxury of time and money.
My birthday is this weekend and I am hosting a party, but somehow, my heart is really not into it. I want to press pause, take a breather, maybe postpone the celebration. But I am only going to turn 30 once, and I don’t want to miss the opportunity to celebrate the life adventure I’ve had. This is a tough time in my life for sure, but as the cliche goes, the show must go on. Life has to go on. I will be celebrating my birthday and I will be putting my party-face on. Maybe this is the breather that I need.